The Exhaustion of Always Being the Foreigner

Most people think living abroad is exhausting because of the big things.

Moving.

Finding somewhere to live.

Learning a new language.

Starting a new job.

Those things are exhausting.

But they're not usually what wears you down months or years later.

It's the tiny things.

The hundreds of tiny things your brain has to process every single day.

You're Thinking More Than You Used To

Back home, life happened on autopilot.

You knew how to greet people.

You knew which jokes would land.

You knew how to complain to customer service.

You knew what the doctor meant.

You knew which supermarket sold your favourite yoghurt.

You didn't have to think about it.

Living abroad changes that.

Suddenly your brain is constantly working in the background.

"Did I say that correctly?"

"Was that rude?"

"Is that how people do it here?"

"Did they understand my accent?"

"Wait... what did they mean by that?"

Most of those thoughts last only a few seconds.

But they happen dozens of times a day.

It's Decision Fatigue in Disguise

People often think they're becoming more anxious.

Sometimes they're simply mentally tired.

When almost every interaction requires a little more concentration than it used to, your brain never gets the same opportunity to switch off.

Ordering coffee.

Booking an appointment.

Calling the internet company.

Reading official letters.

Making small talk.

None of those things are difficult on their own.

Together, they slowly drain your battery.

You're Always Explaining Yourself

Eventually, you become an expert at answering the same questions.

"Where are you from?"

"Why did you move here?"

"Do you like it?"

"How long are you staying?"

At first, it's fun.

After the hundredth time...

It starts to feel like you're introducing yourself instead of actually being known.

The conversation never quite gets beyond the headlines.

People know your story.

They don't necessarily know you.

You Never Fully Stop Representing Your Country

Whether you like it or not, you sometimes become "the Dutch one."

Or the American.

Or the Australian.

People ask what things are like back home.

They compare cultures.

They joke about your accent.

Most of the time it's harmless.

Sometimes it's even interesting.

But after a while, it can become tiring to feel like you're representing an entire country instead of simply existing as yourself.

Even Your Brain Doesn't Get a Day Off

If you're living in another language, your brain is constantly translating.

Sometimes you don't notice.

Other times you get home after a full day of speaking a language that isn't your first and realize you're completely exhausted.

Not because work was difficult.

Because your brain has been multitasking all day.

Research consistently shows that using a second language demands additional cognitive effort, especially in situations that involve emotion, humour, conflict, or fast-paced conversation.

That extra effort isn't a weakness.

It's simply hard work.

Then You Start Wondering What's Wrong With You

This is the part I wish more people talked about.

Many people living abroad start thinking they've become less social.

Less confident.

Less funny.

Less outgoing.

But often, they're just mentally overloaded.

When your brain spends all day navigating unfamiliar situations, it's completely understandable that you don't feel like going to another networking event that evening.

Sometimes you're not avoiding people.

You're protecting your energy.

Eventually, It Gets Easier

The good news is that your brain adapts.

The supermarket becomes familiar.

The language becomes more automatic.

You stop translating every sentence.

The city slowly starts feeling like yours.

But even after years abroad, there may still be days when you feel more tired than you can explain.

That doesn't mean you're failing to adjust.

It means you're doing something that requires more of you than most people realize.

Living abroad asks your brain to stay flexible almost every day.

That's something worth giving yourself credit for.

So if you've been feeling unusually exhausted lately, try asking yourself a different question.

Instead of:

"Why am I so tired?"

Try:

"How much invisible work has my brain actually been doing?"

The answer might explain a lot.

Looking for an English-speaking psychologist?
I work online with people living abroad who are struggling with anxiety, overthinking, loneliness, ADHD, burnout, relationship patterns, and major life transitions. If you're wondering whether therapy might help, you can book a free 20-minute introductory call.