I Feel Like I'm Living Two Lives

Home used to feel simple.

It was the place where your friends knew your coffee order, your family understood your sarcasm, and nobody asked where you were from.

Then you moved abroad.

At first, everything felt exciting. Every street was new. Every weekend was an adventure. You were building a life you'd dreamed about.

But somewhere along the way, something shifted.

You went home to visit, expecting it to feel exactly the same.

Instead, it felt... different.

Not bad.

Just different.

Your friends had new routines. New relationships. New inside jokes. Conversations naturally drifted towards things that happened while you were away.

You loved seeing them.

But there were moments where you felt like you were catching up on a TV series that everyone else had been watching for months.

Then you flew back abroad.

And something strange happened again.

You realized you didn't fully belong there either.

The people in your new country know who you are now.

But they don't know the person you used to be.

They don't know your childhood stories.

They've never met your family.

They don't know why a certain song makes you emotional or why a particular joke always makes you laugh.

You start to feel like you're carrying two different versions of yourself.

One exists back home.

One exists abroad.

Neither feels complete on its own.

Home Doesn't Feel Like Home Anymore

One of the biggest surprises about living abroad is that home keeps changing, even when you're not there.

People move.

Restaurants close.

Friends become parents.

Your younger sibling suddenly isn't that young anymore.

Your parents get older.

The city stays familiar enough that you recognize it instantly, but different enough that it reminds you life continued without you.

It can feel surprisingly emotional.

Not because you've made the wrong decision.

But because you realize that time has moved on in both places.

You Change Too

Living abroad changes you in ways that are hard to notice until someone points them out.

Maybe you're more independent now.

Maybe you're more direct.

Maybe you've become calmer.

Maybe you've become more adventurous.

Or maybe you've learned to rely on yourself because you had no other choice.

When you visit home, people sometimes expect the old version of you.

The one who left.

But you've been busy becoming someone else.

That can make it feel as though you're translating yourself in both directions.

"So... Where Is Home?"

It's a question many people living abroad eventually ask themselves.

Sometimes home is where your family is.

Sometimes it's where your friends are.

Sometimes it's the country where you've built your career.

Sometimes it's simply where you can finally exhale.

The answer often changes.

And that's okay.

Home doesn't always have to be one place.

Sometimes it's a collection of people, memories, routines, and small moments scattered across different countries.

It's Normal to Feel Split

You might feel guilty for missing your new life while you're back home.

Then guilty for missing home when you're abroad.

You miss birthdays in one country and everyday moments in another.

You wonder if you're drifting away from people you love.

You worry that you're becoming difficult to relate to.

These feelings don't mean you've made the wrong choice.

They mean you're attached to more than one place.

That's something to be proud of, even when it hurts.

You Don't Have to Choose One Version of Yourself

Perhaps the hardest part is feeling like you have to decide who you are.

The person who left?

Or the person you've become?

The truth is, they're the same person.

One simply has more stories now.

Living abroad doesn't erase who you were.

It adds to it.

Over time, those two lives begin to feel less separate.

You stop seeing yourself as someone caught between countries and start seeing yourself as someone who belongs in more than one place.

That doesn't happen overnight.

But it does happen.

And one day you'll notice that "home" isn't a location anymore.

It's the life you've built, wherever you happen to be.

Looking for an English-speaking psychologist?
I work online with people living abroad who are struggling with anxiety, overthinking, loneliness, ADHD, burnout, relationship patterns, and major life transitions. If you're wondering whether therapy might help, you can book a free 20-minute introductory call.